This post is dedicated to my friend and fellow sleep deprived mom, Susan Kaiser. ‘This too shall pass’

From the minute you announce your first pregnancy, every good meaning family member, friend, or basically anyone having had a child before you, will immediately congratulate you, tell you that your life will change forever (duh!) and then bam! follow up with some remark, story, eye roll or sympathetic smile telling you to enjoy life while it lasts as you will never.ever.sleep.again.

While many newly pregnant couples laugh it off (I know we did) and quietly think to themselves ‘who needs sleep anyway’ (answer: you do, trust me on this one) in the days, weeks, months and years that go by, you wish you had heeded that advice and spent those precious 9 months of pregnancy sleeping. Like all day, every day.

Looking back, having the luxury of being able to spend my pregnancy with my daughter relaxing, sleeping, nesting and preparing for the arrival of the best thing to ever happen to us (yes, hormones never recover…I still have a little cry over how amazing bringing her into the world has been), I went into motherhood knowing I would be sleep deprived but never quite realized how much.

With a lengthy induced labor of 47 hours in which I certainly did no sleeping, the last full night of sleep I had was sometime back in 2016. Holy moly!

With our daughter’s arrival and the undeniable emotional and medically induced high you are on, coupled with this overwhelming responsibility you now have for the tiny little person in your arms, you kiss goodbye to soundly sleeping again…well for a long time anyway. I mean, I’m pretty sure even when your kids are all grown up you never sleep soundly, right? That’s just being parents… roll on the teenage years, college years and then wherever life takes our little girl… bets are off we will probably never get a full night’s sleep again then!

I remember the vague blur of the first few days and nights – let’s get real, we may as well just call them interconnecting hours as day and night blend into one – and my husband and I did ‘shifts’. Breastfeeding every 1.5-2 hours, getting any shut eye in between feeds was a challenge. But you somehow did. Having never been a napper, who knew how amazing 30 minutes shut eye was! We say to this day, you can apply the economic theory of opportunity cost to parenthood…you have 30 min, now do you a) sleep or b) shower… decisions, decisions! I guarantee you a fair few mothers survive on a cleansing ritual of baby wipes and dry shampoo, so choose sleep folks, choose sleep!

Having been able to breastfeed my daughter for longer than I had anticipated, one theory that breastfed babies don’t sleep through the night compared to their formula fed friends could be the reason we still don’t get a full night’s sleep as parents.

While our daughter happily goes to bed at her set bedtime without any fuss and I quickly settle down on the sofa with my husband and a glass of wine to celebrate surviving another day, even the strictest routines don’t factor in having a nocturnal child who wakes up anything from 1-4 times a night. And God forbid your little one is sick, you may as well then just buckle up tight…you’re in for a bumpy ride.

‘There have been many times I’ve sat crying in the middle of the night, cuddling my baby while silently muttering ‘please go the *bleep* to sleep*’

While many helpful family, friends, online media groups, random strangers etc love to give advice on how their angel slept through from x weeks old and sleep training methods, crying it out, weighted blankets, pacifiers and a myriad of solutions to get them to sleep worked for them, when it comes to kids…what works for one, doesn’t always work for another. Enter these wonderful things called ‘leaps’ and any training you’ve diligently done is lost and you’re back to square one. We’ve tried the cry it out method and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. There have been many times I’ve sat crying in the middle of the night, cuddling my baby while silently muttering ‘please go the *bleep* to sleep*.

Last night at 11pm, 1am and 4am it can be only described as a cry-it-out failure with a capital F. Having over the months developed a trained ear and one-eye-open relationship with the baby monitor, the minute she woke up I clenched my teeth and tried to avoid the temptation to go into her room. While one half of me is saying ‘Let her self soothe, just another 5 minutes and she’ll be back asleep’, the other half thinks ‘is she OK? Is she hungry? Maybe thirsty? Too cold? No wait! Too hot?’ And so I get out of bed to soothe, comfort and put her back to sleep with a loving cuddle. Other times, she is back to sleep within 5-10 minutes and cues fist pumps, high fives and, say it out loud, ‘hashtag winning at parenting’ to my husband and I…even at 3 in the morning.

While so many of our friends are in the same position as us, and function on a zombie level of sleep deprivation for several years, the mind is a wonderful thing and in years to come, we will blissfully forget these foggy days of waking up for cuddles in the middle of the night or having tiny toes trot through to your room for some nighttime reassurance. Everyone says ‘this too shall pass…’ and I truly believe it will.

But for now, please pass the Venti double shot of coffee…

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This week marks our first anniversary as Texans and it’s hard to believe a year has passed since we packed up our lives in California and embarked on a 1700 mile road trip to begin our new adventure here in Austin.

Having collectively lived in 4 countries on 3 continents, as a couple it wasn’t our first rodeo (pun fully intended!) when it came to big moves. But moving as a family, it was a little more daunting…were we making the right decision, not for us, but for our family?

The first time I moved was in my 20’s, single and freshly out of college – I boarded a plane bound for London with 23kg (50lb) of my worldly possessions and headed off for a new life in the big smoke. Fast forward nearly 10 years, having found love quite literally on the other side of the world, I packed up my life again and moved to join my now husband in San Francisco.

California was everything we loved about a place we could call home – the climate was perfect, there were mountains to frame our views, the breathtaking pacific coastline to admire, and Napa practically on our doorstep. After my husband, obviously, the close proximity to the famed Californian wine region came a close second when winning my heart and moving to America!

We loved living in the heart of San Francisco, and have never been so fit walking up and down those hills, but with a growing family in our sights, a move down the peninsula to Palo Alto in the heart of Silicon Valley was the next logical step. While we could see ourselves getting old (or older!) there… unfortunately our bank balance couldn’t!

With the arrival of our daughter we had to look at alternatives – raising a family in the Bay Area was just an impossible dream. After much discussion and research, we decided we would look into the possibility of living in Austin. It had been (and still is!) voted in the top places to live in America, a growing city with a growing presence of Tech companies, house prices were within our budget and school districts among the best in Texas. With all year round Texan sunshine coupled with an affordable quality of living and a place we could envisage our daughter enjoying growing up in, we made the decision…Texas here we come!

So in March last year, we packed up our apartment, waved goodbye to the non essentials we couldn’t fit in our car and set off in sight of Austin. A road trip with a 3 month old baby isn’t for the faint hearted, but we took our time and made the most of it, passing through Nevada, Arizona and New Mexico en route to Texas. With a baby in tow, we had to make frequent stops throughout the day to feed and change as well as share the driving load between us so we took a leisurely week to make the journey down South.

Arriving on the weekend of SXSW (South By South West is Austin’s major film, media and music festival held during Spring Break) and staying downtown for the first month, we experienced first hand what the city has to offer. It was buzzing with people and had a fun vibe to it, it was lively and vibrant and coupled with great March sunshine we immediately felt like this was the right decision.

So here we are a year in… any regrets? None, so far anyway! Of course California will always hold a special place for us as a couple and being our daughter’s birth place, but we are now fixed on making memories in a new city. While for many ‘transplants’ missing family and friends tops their list of reasons why they miss their previous home, with having lived away from our respective families and friends for so long, starting over wasn’t as daunting for us. I can see how many people, like stay at home moms, can feel isolated and alone in a new city but thanks to social media there are many moms and baby groups around and getting to meet up with fellow mamas who’re in the same position make ‘transplanting’ that much easier. We are slowly making new friends – a life long work in progress! – and on the whole have found everyone to be friendly and welcoming.

In the past year we’ve experienced a few things that Austin uniquely has to offer – Austin City Limits music festival and the Formula 1 Grand Prix, we’ve bought a beautiful new home close to the lake with plenty of space for visitors and we’re getting used to the crazy summer temperatures, invested in copious amounts of sun protection sprays and creams and with plans for a pool and air con running continuously, have factored in a separate budget for the high water and electric bills!

‘When they say everything is bigger in Texas they’re not just talking hair styles’

We love the fact fuel is so cheap and grocery shopping is an adventure in itself. When they say everything is bigger in Texas they’re not just talking hair styles…houses are big, average roads are in fact several lane highways and grocery stores come in SUPER and PLUS size. It’s easy to get totally carried away when you’ve just popped out for milk but come back with a new outdoor furniture suite! Austin has lived up to its expectations in giving our little family the quality of life we dreamt of and our daughter is settling into a new preschool filled with happy little faces she gets to call her friends and kind teachers occupying her ever growing mind.

Like all good relationships, here’s to many more happy years together! Happy Anniversary, Texas!

January is always a month of Promise and Hope. We look to new beginnings in the form of New Year’s resolutions, setting ourselves goals and objectives to achieve over the year. Be it personal or professional, we set these to become accountable for our actions over the next 365 days…or all 31536000 seconds that makes up 2018.

While many set their sights on losing those pesky holiday pounds or getting to the gym more regularly (my hand is firmly up for both of those!), I’ve chosen to be more present. What does that even mean I hear you say? Well without being too morose as we enter another year, the fast pace of life and years rolling by really start to hit home.

There is a wonderful line from the book ‘The Happiness Project’ by Gretchen Rubin that goes ‘The days are long, but the years are short’. Having muddled my way through life to my late thirty’s, the reality of how short life is once I had children really started to weigh on my mind.

Given I am a stay at home mom, it may seem strange to want to be more present in our daughter’s life when I spend every waking minute of every day with her, but in those long, long days Gretchen Rubin speaks of, so often our minds are distracted by being on social media or worrying about dinner, laundry, cleaning, paying bills, replying to emails etc that you forget to be present.

The images of a stay at home Mom versus the reality of one is starkly different…you think you have time…oh so.much.time. The reality is your job is not defined by set working hours. A day spent feeding, cleaning up, entertaining, teaching, nurturing, being there for them when they need you, being present.

Recently, my daughter turned one and while in the first few days, weeks and months of having a brand new baby it seemed like you’ll never see the end of every hour filled with a feed, diaper change, clothes change (mostly theirs, sometimes yours) and barely existing on no sleep, when told to enjoy it because it goes all too quickly…you start to wish it did. It’s a tiredness you have never known, especially as many of us have children later in life and the days of pulling all nighters are a long gone memory, but somehow your body adjusts and just keeps going. Hurrah for coffee!

Then little milestones occur…all the ‘firsts’… first smile, laugh, when they start to say mama and dada, crawl, stand, walk, draw their first picture (as ugly as it is, it will always be firmly put on the refrigerator with an utter sense of pride), first Halloween, first Christmas, start school, graduate from school, enter college, leave home…oh stop the clocks! I’m definitely not ready for that! With every little milestone you meet, you want to freeze time and hold onto it forever.

So here’s to 2018, being more present, trying not to parent while having half an eye on social media and making memories to last a life time, both ours and theirs.

Happy New Year!

As yet another year draws to a close and holiday time is in full swing, tradition (and social media) paints a glorious picture of happy families gathered around large, beautifully adorned trees, an abundance of gifts and full bellies of delicious food. Lest we forget, there’s nothing more festive than Mariah Carey belting out ‘All I want for Christmas is You‘ on repeat for weeks on end!

While this may be the case for many families, the stress we place on ourselves over the holiday season can be all too much at times and can take the happy out of Holidays. Be it missing loved ones who are not with us at a time orientated around family togetherness or the large financial strain of the whole season of giving, debt should not be number 1 when making your list and checking it twice.

Call me a bit of a Christmas Grinch, but I definitely fit into the bracket of finding the season a little stressful. I’m not talking Valium inducing levels, but it’s hard to pin point what causes my normally low blood pressure to rise at this time of the year – is it the constant talk of expectant presents? The endless shopping and stockpiling as everyone prepares for some kind of apocalypse with stores closing for just one day? Is it the over spending you get swept up in to keep up with the Jones to ensure your kids have every gadget and gizmo under the tree on the morning of the 25th when really you’re struggling to keep up with mortgage and car payments, let alone top up your savings fund? Or just missing family thousands of miles away? I don’t know the answer, but the older I get and now with having children myself, I’m desperately trying to find my inner Christmas spirit.

Having grown up in a sunny climate in South Africa, Christmas takes on a rather different view than the usual images that conjure up the festive period – it’s different – not better, not worse, just different. And don’t knock a warm Christmas til you’ve tried it! Yes, Santa made the journey down South (poor old Santa must have been sweating his socks off in mid summer heat!), we had presents under the bright green, ornament adorned Christmas tree, decorations a plenty and extended family gathered around a hot roast dinner with all the trimmings. It was a happy and family orientated time spent with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. And I loved it.

Money wasn’t tight but it also wasn’t in excess, my parents were hard working with 3 kids in excellent schools, extra mural activities which were an additional expense, a mortgage to pay and saving for our tertiary education. Looking back there was more thought to our gifts as to what was needed prior to the start of the new school year – oh the excitement of getting new Colleen crayons (only South Africans will truly understand how exciting it was to have them!). With school only going back in mid January, Christmas was long forgotten and there was no comparing of what gifts you had, or hadn’t, received. I recently read an article about the stress of needing to purchase expensive gifts for kids to ensure they weren’t bullied when they got back after the Christmas break. What has the world come to? Has it just gone too far?

The bottom line was we didn’t go into debt over ensuring we got the latest gadget just so you didn’t get bullied because you received a coloring-in book (and let’s not forget the crayons!) as a gift. I am fervently in the corner of less is more – and as parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, godparents, friends etc we are ALL to blame for not adhering to this.

Christmas is no less magical for not getting that expensive gift which you know will be discarded, broken or lost in no time at all. Or is it? Is it all just about excess – in all sense of the word – endless presents, extra portions of Christmas dinner and an excessively large credit card bill…not to mention a bulging waist line struggling to fit into leggings come New Year? So call me a grinch, and I’m desperately trying to become more festive and fun for my daughter’s sake, but I’d prefer not to be in debt over one day of the year when times are tough for everyone.

We recently moved into a brand new neighborhood, so not only are we new to town but so is everyone else! I wanted to find a way of introducing ourselves to our neighbors, not by just knocking on their doors to say ‘we’ve arrived!’, but by embracing the season of giving with some home baked goods.

It’s been a while since I baked as my long suffering husband will attest to. Having lived in small apartments with even smaller kitchens for the past few years, my baking literally has taken a back burner. Now we have a gourmet kitchen fit for a domestic goddess (who just needs to come out of retirement), out of the many, many moving boxes came my trusty mixer and off I searched for the perfect cookie recipe – that’s biscuit to the non Americans out there!

I flipped through my recipe books and scoured endless sites for ideas before I settled on creating a chocolate cookie, with a festive twist… peppermint chunks.

The end result was a soft, chewy, chocolate cookie with a seasonal mint flavor which was delicious and definitely worth indulging in – after all, apparently calories consumed in December don’t count, right?!

Time to go and meet the neighbors…Happy Holidays!

Choc Mint Chunk Cookies

(Makes 12 large cookies, 24 small cookies)

1 cup bittersweet chocolate baking chips

1 cup all purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

6 tablespoons butter, softened

1 cup brown sugar

2 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup peppermint chunks

Preheat oven to 350° F and line cookie sheets with parchment paper or spray with cooking spray and set aside. Melt cup of chocolate chips in a microwave or over heat until smooth and runny. Set aside to cool. Sift together dry ingredients in a bowl and mix. In a separate bowl, cream butter and sugar together until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs, one at a time. Add vanilla extract and melted chocolate and mix well. Fold in dry ingredients and peppermint chunks. Spoon onto cookie sheets and bake at 350°F for 10 minutes, or until still soft and chewy. For an extra chocolatey taste, drizzle with melted chocolate to finish.

With the excitement and new opportunities that come with a move to a new city, state or country, also comes with it many challenges. One of the greatest must be the loss of support networks you can rely on and take for granted when they are close to home.

Recently there was an article in Mail Online about an English reality tv star who faced backlash from her Instagram followers that she had sourced a babysitter via the online app, Bubble Babysitting. Her followers were quick to offer their thoughts and opinions on the matter, mostly with a outcry of how they would ‘never leave their child with a stranger’, and her actions were described as ‘shocking’ and ‘scary.’

Growing up, my parent’s support system were my trusty grandparents, who lived less than half a mile from our home. They were the old fashioned, reliable type, who when my parents went out, happily looked after us without so much as a question of availability or hourly rate. They genuinely loved every minute of quality time with their grandchildren, as much as we loved being with them. Looking back I realize how lucky my parents were to have a fully operational support system in place a mere phone call away.

When I left home to live abroad as a single twenty something year old, worrying about a support system to look after my future children was as far from my mind as the distance that separated me from my home town. Now that I have a child of my own and my parents are 8,766 miles away (yes, I calculated it), the lack of support system available to me from those I inherently trust, like my parents did, really hits home hard.

So when it comes to child care, if you have no support system in place what do you do?  Would you turn to modern technology to find someone to leave your most precious possession with? Is leaving them with a teen neighbor or friend of a friend whose has assured you they’re great with kids any less risky than picking a stranger, who has supposedly being vetted and background checked, from an app? I wish I knew the answer but can only share my experience…

When my husband and I moved to a new city, our daughter was 3 months old and we knew not a solitary soul. Yep, no one, nada. We found ourselves in the bracket of those without a support system who needed to find an alternative solution to child care should the occasion arise…and yes, after a while you do long for a night out on your own, being adults and not juggling a toddler, handfuls of Cheerios and eating your dinner one handed while risking chronic indigestion from wolfing it down.  We went 381 days (yes, I counted) following the birth of our daughter before we found a sitter to go out for a few hours on our own. And how did I find that sitter? I *shock, horror* found her on an app…

Let’s go back a few years… remember the stigma attached to dating sites and apps? While dating online seems to raise less eyebrows now – apparently a third of all marriages in the US start with online dating – is it really that different sourcing a stranger to look after your child via an app, than it is to meet a prospective life partner online and go on a date? Hands up those of you that have happily dished out your phone number or immediately got out your smart phone and friended on Facebook the guy or girl chatting to you at the bar? Was chatting to that stranger albeit in a public place any less risky than ‘meeting’ someone online?

So back to finding a sitter when you have no option but to get creative and reach out online. I sourced a sitter, a lovely retired nurse and Mom, via a neighborhood app, Nextdoor. So where do you start? Well we chatted at first and arranged to meet at our home so she could meet my husband and I, and most importantly, our daughter who we would be leaving in her care. She gave me her name and address, a copy of her drivers license and openly shared she had no infractions, misdemeanors, felonies etc against her name. She is a good, honest lady, and with a background in nursing I feel would be able to cope in a life or death situation, God forbid one should arise in our absence. Most importantly, my daughter felt at home in her company and it gave us a sense of relief we could entrust her help looking after our daughter.

So should I be parent shamed by selecting a service via an app because we don’t have the resources available to us to do it organically? Why is there a stigma attached to using modern technology to choose a sitter when we just don’t have the luxury of that magic support system at our beck and call? I think it’s easy to judge someone when you’re not in their shoes, like Binky Felstead’s followers on Instagram did, but have a feeling this will all blow over like internet dating did as parents embrace modern technology.  But then again who knows…I’ll be a fence sitter not babysitter on the outcome of this one!

Are you lucky enough to have a support system close at hand to look after your little ones? Or do you have to start from scratch selecting a stranger? I’d be interested to hear your thoughts and selection methods of choosing your Mary Poppins too!

‘Tis the season for many things, and air travel over the holiday period is one of them. While it is a fun experience to travel, it can also be a stressful and logistical nightmare to do it with that precious cargo in tow – your kids!

If you scan the internet on the myriad of parenting sites that are out there, you will come across many articles related to traveling with tots in tow. It’s no mean feat, traveling with little ones is no fun way to start (or end) your vacation! But with a little planning (ok, a lot of planning) and all the information you’ve amassed from reading up on the experiences of those that have trod the boards before you, you’ll be a seasoned traveler with tot in tow in no time.

Before having kids, my husband and I had both done a fair amount of traveling – domestically and internationally – and had packing, dealing with check in and security and passing the hours before take off and in flight down to a fine art. Enter traveling with children and it was a WHOLE another level of organization! We took our daughter on her first flight at 13 weeks – just a few days after turning 3 months old – and have since done 10 flights with her in her first year.

Like being an adult, kids come with plenty of baggage! But you can make traveling relatively stress free if you follow these simple steps (they are by no means the only tips you should follow, but a few that I have found useful!)

1. Pack plenty

While this may go against what everyone else says, your child is entitled to their own checked baggage. Use it! This is one time when less isn’t more. When you think you have enough clothes, especially when you’re not traveling to family that you can off load dirty laundry with once you’ve arrived (yes I’ve done that!), your kid could go through a day of needing to change 5 times, even if they NEVER do this at home. Ensure you have enough onesies which are perfect for days when trying to wrestle your angel into the gorgeous outfit you had planned to meet *insert grandparents/aunts/uncles/friends here!* in and just can’t hack it. Onesies rule and are just easy to put on anywhere anytime, even if the outfit was given to you by *insert grandparents/aunts/uncles/friends here!*. Sometimes you just have to take a photo of them in it back home to show them rather than in person

2. Pack your diaper bag with precision

This will be with you ALL THE TIME from leaving home, in flight and to your final destination – you need quick access to diapers, wipes, spare onesies, cloths, toys, snacks, medicines etc. When in doubt throw in an extra diaper, snack and toy and my personal favorite – plenty of hand sanitizer wipes to wipe down every surface you come into contact with

3. Changing preprep

Plan ahead for flight side and on board diaper changes by placing diapers in small bags (small dog poop bags work well and cost less than scented diaper ones!) and have plenty of wipes on hand. A small carrier bag with wipes and a change mat and you’re good to go for changing in small, yes, very small, spaces!

4. The Gate Check Bag

Plan ahead what you don’t need once you get to your gate (eg. stroller) and place in the best invention ever – the Gate Check Bag! We bought ours from Target but they (or similar type bags) are available at most large stores and online. For under $20 it keeps your stroller and car seat clean – it won’t protect from damage as they can man handle a little at airports, but at least it will be clean/dry

5. Baby wear

You need all the hands you have (so all 2 of them, though you feel like you could use more!) and so baby wearing in a sling or carrier is a must have. I have a Baby Bjorn infant carrier which after collapsing and gate checking the stroller, pop my daughter into to board onto the plane. Even if you aren’t traveling alone, carrying your kid, diaper bag and walking what feels like 5 miles to the actual plane door is tiring before you have even embarked on the flight

6. Early boarding

Take advantage of boarding first with families. Feel like a rock star does in first class and get on that plane first up even if you’re turning right and not left! It will give you plenty of time to get organized, place what you don’t need in the overhead bins and get organized, especially when you have a lap infant who isn’t in their own seat

7. Take off and Landing

If you are breastfeeding/nursing, plan your feeds to ensure you have good supply for take off and landing. I have been lucky my daughter has fallen asleep a few times during both with the change of air pressure while feeding, but if you are not, giving them a bottle or pacifier/dummy will do the same trick as adults sucking on a sweet so your ears acclimatize to the pressure once you have leveled out

8. Oh no are they sat near me?

Pre kids you are not alone in spotting the family about to board your flight and saying a quick prayer that they are seated no where near you! But despite what most new parents think, other travelers and cabin crew are supportive to you when they see you struggling in flight and offer a sympathetic smile or ‘been there, done that’ story. And if your tot doesn’t have a good flight, rest assured you’ll probably never see those other 200 people again!

So yes, gone are the days of the pre flight tipple, leisurely boarding and settling into your seat to enjoy a movie or two or taking a nap – no siree! Traveling with tots is hard work, but can be done relatively stress free with some pre flight organization.

Have you traveled with tots and have tips you’d like to share? Let me know!

Happy and safe travels!

It’s the Fall of 2017 and I’m overlooking the lush green belt of the hill country region surrounding Austin, Texas that I am lucky to call home. A wife, a mom and surrounded by the holy trinity of things I love – my husband, daughter and a glass of wine! – let me introduce myself…I am The Hill Country Mom.

Austin has not always been our home; we are a global family comprising of a South African, Englishman and an American – it sounds like the start of a bad joke, all we need to do is walk into a bar! – and we find ourselves in Texas by way of a few years in California.

After growing up in South Africa, I spent nearly a decade living in London before joining my now husband in San Francisco. A marriage and baby later, we decided to move to Texas to pursue the life we dreamed of for our growing family. My days weren’t always filled with this full time mom gig – a career in Investment Banking in the City of London dealing with demanding, tantrum throwing traders was swapped for a career dealing with demanding, tantrum throwing toddlers! It prepared me well for being a parent which is hands down the hardest unpaid job in the world, but the benefits you receive far outweigh the long hours and overtime you put in.

Join me on my journey as I go about being a wife and mom, dabbling in cooking and baking, decorating a new home and enjoying family life ‘deep in the heart of Texas’