Finding your support system online

With the excitement and new opportunities that come with a move to a new city, state or country, also comes with it many challenges. One of the greatest must be the loss of support networks you can rely on and take for granted when they are close to home.

Recently there was an article in Mail Online about an English reality tv star who faced backlash from her Instagram followers that she had sourced a babysitter via the online app, Bubble Babysitting. Her followers were quick to offer their thoughts and opinions on the matter, mostly with a outcry of how they would ‘never leave their child with a stranger’, and her actions were described as ‘shocking’ and ‘scary.’

Growing up, my parent’s support system were my trusty grandparents, who lived less than half a mile from our home. They were the old fashioned, reliable type, who when my parents went out, happily looked after us without so much as a question of availability or hourly rate. They genuinely loved every minute of quality time with their grandchildren, as much as we loved being with them. Looking back I realize how lucky my parents were to have a fully operational support system in place a mere phone call away.

When I left home to live abroad as a single twenty something year old, worrying about a support system to look after my future children was as far from my mind as the distance that separated me from my home town. Now that I have a child of my own and my parents are 8,766 miles away (yes, I calculated it), the lack of support system available to me from those I inherently trust, like my parents did, really hits home hard.

So when it comes to child care, if you have no support system in place what do you do?  Would you turn to modern technology to find someone to leave your most precious possession with? Is leaving them with a teen neighbor or friend of a friend whose has assured you they’re great with kids any less risky than picking a stranger, who has supposedly being vetted and background checked, from an app? I wish I knew the answer but can only share my experience…

When my husband and I moved to a new city, our daughter was 3 months old and we knew not a solitary soul. Yep, no one, nada. We found ourselves in the bracket of those without a support system who needed to find an alternative solution to child care should the occasion arise…and yes, after a while you do long for a night out on your own, being adults and not juggling a toddler, handfuls of Cheerios and eating your dinner one handed while risking chronic indigestion from wolfing it down.  We went 381 days (yes, I counted) following the birth of our daughter before we found a sitter to go out for a few hours on our own. And how did I find that sitter? I *shock, horror* found her on an app…

Let’s go back a few years… remember the stigma attached to dating sites and apps? While dating online seems to raise less eyebrows now – apparently a third of all marriages in the US start with online dating – is it really that different sourcing a stranger to look after your child via an app, than it is to meet a prospective life partner online and go on a date? Hands up those of you that have happily dished out your phone number or immediately got out your smart phone and friended on Facebook the guy or girl chatting to you at the bar? Was chatting to that stranger albeit in a public place any less risky than ‘meeting’ someone online?

So back to finding a sitter when you have no option but to get creative and reach out online. I sourced a sitter, a lovely retired nurse and Mom, via a neighborhood app, Nextdoor. So where do you start? Well we chatted at first and arranged to meet at our home so she could meet my husband and I, and most importantly, our daughter who we would be leaving in her care. She gave me her name and address, a copy of her drivers license and openly shared she had no infractions, misdemeanors, felonies etc against her name. She is a good, honest lady, and with a background in nursing I feel would be able to cope in a life or death situation, God forbid one should arise in our absence. Most importantly, my daughter felt at home in her company and it gave us a sense of relief we could entrust her help looking after our daughter.

So should I be parent shamed by selecting a service via an app because we don’t have the resources available to us to do it organically? Why is there a stigma attached to using modern technology to choose a sitter when we just don’t have the luxury of that magic support system at our beck and call? I think it’s easy to judge someone when you’re not in their shoes, like Binky Felstead’s followers on Instagram did, but have a feeling this will all blow over like internet dating did as parents embrace modern technology.  But then again who knows…I’ll be a fence sitter not babysitter on the outcome of this one!

Are you lucky enough to have a support system close at hand to look after your little ones? Or do you have to start from scratch selecting a stranger? I’d be interested to hear your thoughts and selection methods of choosing your Mary Poppins too!